The most populous democracy of the world is about to see its biggest election season ever.
But for the proverbial AAM AADMI, this is no more than a reality show at a national level.
Our politicians are always changing loyalty by the minute and running behind tickets, mudslinging all around. While the so called ”Youth” candidates are seen crucifying themselves in press debacles. From Chai Pe Charcha to Chai Dukaan, politicians seem to be vying with each other to capture the attention (and votes) of a common man through discussions.
KYS volunteered to moderate one such debate between the political heavyweights of the nation. A debate at a tea stall was specially set up at NaMo’s instructions, outside the house of a poor Dalit family where RaGa was put up overnight. RaGa’s sister, PriGa, and his political strategist, JaiRa, were wandering about nearby, waiting for the debate to start.
KYS: Good morning gentlemen! It’s great to have you both on this debate today, a first-of-its-kind which would undoubtedly interest millions across the country. Who would like to open the debate?
RaGa: I’m here today, to assure all my countrymen that my objective is to empower the women in this country, and to unleash the power of these women. I also believe in the RTI, and I believe in giving power to our people.
NaMo: This nation already empowered a woman in 1966, and then again in 2004. Look what happened when they unleashed their power! The nation would rather empower you with a one-time RTI (Return To Italy)!
RaGa: They were honorable Prime Ministers. Err… At least my grandmother InGa was. The question here is that NaMo, did you not empower a woman? Ironically your Woman & Child Development Minister, MaKo, in 2002, to commit the heinous crimes she did? I hold you and your Government accountable!
At this point, NaMo pulls out a tiny piece of paper, clearly never used before, out of his pocket and displays it for all to see.
KYS(Confused): What’s this, Sir?
RaGa(laughing): It’s a piece of paper that’s enough to contain all of NaMo’s knowledge in economics! Just ask our finance minister PChi.
NaMo(serious as ever): This is a clean chit. It’s a clean chit given to me by the SIT in connection with 2002. Where’s your party’s clean chit on the 1984 sikh riots, RaGa?
RaGa: I think the Sikhs are probably one of the most industrious people in this country. I admire them. We have a PM who is a Sikh. For what two individuals did to my grandmother, I don’t turn around and take my anger and brush it onto an entire community. That’s just not me! Moreover, that anger existed then. Frankly, it doesn’t exist now!
NaMo: It might not just be you. It’s just your political party!
** Realizing this had the potential to escalate, we decided to cut them short there and change the topic to something less volatile.**
KYS: What are your opinions about all the poverty currently prevailing in the country?
NaMo: It’s a simple answer. You only need to look at Gujarat and see how we have drastically brought down the poverty levels!
RaGa: That’s because you brought down the threshold for poverty to a medieval Rs. 11 per day. Even Raj Babbar can’t have a meal for that money! And you were criticizing us for placing the poverty line at Rs.32/day.
NaMo: How does the amount matter to someone who says poverty is just a state of mind?
RaGa: Think of it this way: When UPA-2 took over, a person needed to have $1 a day to be rich. Today, all he needs is $0.5. You’ll realize this when(and more importantly, if) you get a US visa and travel to USA one day!
NaMo: That I will. And I certainly won’t go there to claim a fake degree from Harvard! I have already qualified through hard work.
RaGa: That is not a fake degree. Besides, I also have an M.Phil. from Oxford University!
At this point, RaGa stops and looks behind us. To our shock, JaRa and PriGa, sitting behind us as teleprompters, have something to say to him. Once PriGa is done conveying the message, by which time NaMo has ordered another cup of tea, RaGa resumes…
RaGa: So where was I? Yes! That is not a fake degree. Besides, I also have an M.Phil. from Cambridge University!
NaMo: Jaise Maa-Baap, waise beta! Maa-Baap only claimed to study at Cambridge. The Shehzada is even claiming an M.Phil. from there!
RaGa: Don’t you dare call me a Shehzada. My parents studied at Cambridge on their merit, I studied at Cambridge on my merit. My father was a Prime Minister on merit, I will be one on my merit. In our party, we don’t believe in concentration of power in the hands of one person. We believe in giving equal opportunities to all our leaders.
PriGa nods her head in agreement, while JaRa doesn’t seem so convinced.
KYS: Okay. What do you make of the various scams that have happened during the past 5 years?
RaGa: These matters are in the courts and I’m sure we will come out with clean chits in each of those cases, just like NaMo has for the 2002 riots.
NaMo: Both RaGa’s government and my government advocate G-Models. My G stands for Gujarat, which has seen unprecedented development of the state in the past 10+ years, and RaGa’s model has seen unprecedented losses to the country through 3G, CWG, Coal-G. The dynasty’s surname starts with a G! For more information, contact RaGa Ji, SoGa Ji or PriGa Ji!
RaGa: The only G that inspires our ideologies is Gandhiji!
NaMo: See, a Gujarati again! Gandhiji, Sardar Patel and many others are successes of my Gujarat model!
RaGa: How ironic that you’re claiming credit for two great past leaders from my party!
KYS: Okay, let’s just move on with our next question.
=====Section edited out by Hon. Minister of Communications & IT, KaSi=====
KYS: Startling revelations, those. To conclude, what do you make of Mr. ArKej?
NaMo: I look forward to killing off his political career. What better place to perform the last rites than Varanasi?
RaGa: *Smiles in agreement* I lend my support to NaMo in Varanasi. *Forgets that his own party is fielding a candidate from there too*
KYS: On that fairly amicable note, we end the debate here. Thanks a lot for your time and patience, gentlemen.
This time the general
KYS wishes to see votes going